You work out of a Hotel?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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