She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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