What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
