i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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