im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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