You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So squirting runs in the family.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
