what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
