Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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