True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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