What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
honey bunches of taint.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
