Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
