Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
