She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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