dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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