Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
