i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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