dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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