We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
