just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize