I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Never underestimate the power of titties
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