If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
