Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
