He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
