And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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