Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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