I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
porn star boner night. come get it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
