fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
