she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
