I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I understand Curling. That high.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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