I accidentally had phone sex last night
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Please, let me fuck your mom
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
