Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
