so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
