he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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