I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize