I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
