i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
