I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
sarcasm needs its own font
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
