bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
