He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
