This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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