He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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