I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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