Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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