Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
