I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize