If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
