i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
