Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
