A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize