Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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