How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
