so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
