I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
