I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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