How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
