In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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