Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Welp...herpes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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