There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.