I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dating After Heartbreak
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'