Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
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I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.