I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Will you blow on my dice?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
