You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
