I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
