She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
