Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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