I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
too bad you live with your parents still
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
