sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
They have beer where we have blood.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
