So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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