watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
