I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
