I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
