Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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