Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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