The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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