when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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